Notes from the Archive: Time Out Article June 2008

Seeing as we've revamped our website a bit, we thought we'd collect some stuff we'd written and post it. For starters, here's an article we wrote for London listings guide Time Out in June 2008. Fans/nerds might be interested to note that this is the first outing of the "pre-gig ritual" joke.

But before that, it's worth having a look at this picture that Sally (who made the fantastic square headed versions of us) has created. We'll leave you to decide whether she is a heroic genius of art and design or a sex pervert.

See? Anyway here is the article...

A day in the life of Pappy's Fun Club

Hey everybody we’re Pappy’s Fun Club. We’re a sketch team made up of Ben, Brendan, Matthew and Tom. You may have heard us on Radio 4 (doing a show that we called ‘Pappy’s Fun Club’) or on Radio One’s Switch. Maybe you saw us on Comedy Shuffle on BBC3? Perhaps you have seen us live? Most likely you haven’t seen or heard of us before, which is why Time Out have asked us to write this little introduction to ourselves.

Our rich and mysterious benefactor, Pappy, has put us up in a lovely ex-council flat in London’s most exclusive and up and coming area: Streatham. Every day is an adventure for Pappy’s Fun Club so we thought we’d talk you through exactly how we fill our waking hours.

7 AM
Brendan: I like to be the first one awake at Pappy Towers so that I can begin inputting the data into my ‘hours slept’ spreadsheet. Unfortunately this morning I was trumped by Ben who was already awake as I left my room. He normally doesn’t get up until well into the afternoon. How did he do it?

Ben: I didn’t go to bed last night, I was up all night cow tipping. Or at least I would have been had I been able to find any cows in South London. In the end I decided to go fly tipping which was far less fun, although I did get rid of that old washing machine.

Tom: For breakfast this morning I made and ate a bread and butter pudding. I used my grandma’s recipe: 4 pints of milk and three loaves of bread.

Matthew: Woke up last and was dismayed to find that someone had used all the bread and milk. I’ve no idea how that happened; I’d just bought 4 pints of milk and three loaves of bread. Stranger still, I went to take my clothes out of the washing machine and it had gone.

10 AM
Tom: Each day begins with us completing our chores. To help speed things up we get to choose music to play whilst we’re doing them. It was my turn to pick today!

Matthew: Tom’s choice of the Chariots of Fire theme tune slowed down ‘chore time’ to a near halt. It’s very difficult to buff brass in slow motion.

Brendan: Took the bins out and emptied the dishwasher on ‘Chores 2’ my new game for the Nintendo DS. Finished the level just as the boys were wrapping up the housework.

Ben: The toaster was so dirty I decided to take it into the bath with me for a clean.

MIDDAY

Matthew: Shortly after we resuscitated Ben, Pappy rings. He calls us everyday at midday with the location of the evening’s gig. This is fine if the gig is local but more problematic if it’s in, say, Melbourne and we only have seven hours to get there.

Ben: I do hope we get to meet Pappy one day. I always think of him living in his ivory castle on a Himalayan slope possessing magical creatures and a gold bag.

Brendan: Pappy lives in a care home in Putney. I would tell the boys but I’m sworn to secrecy and it’d shatter Ben’s dreams of a gold bag.

3 PM

Brendan: Bit of spare time so I decided to log on and check out how my cyber-self is getting on in Second Life. Alarmed to find my avatar is spending too much time on the computer in his virtual world. Must spend more time online to ensure he has a more rounded existence.

7 PM

Brendan: Journey to the gig was great. Ben did all the driving.

Ben: Great journey. Brendan even let me sit in the special seat with the wheel. Slept all the way there.

Tom: Sat next to Matthew on the trip. Entertained him for the whole journey with my brilliantly silly songs. He was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe!

Matthew: Had to sit next to Tom again. He insisted on singing his version of Thriller for the entire journey, replacing the word thriller with rhyming words. Vanilla, Chinchilla, George Forman Griller, Manilla (envelope), Sienna Miller, GrooveJet by Spiller. I wanted to murder him. He didn’t even stop to help me during my asthma attack.

9:30 PM
Brendan: Our pre-gig ritual never changes. We gather in a circle and chant in unison, “At least we’re not gigging in Nottingham.”

Tom: Our pre-gig ritual only changes if we’re playing in Nottingham, when we gather in a circle and chant, “We’re all going to die.”

Matthew: The lights go up and it’s time for Pappy’s Fun Club to begin another exciting show. All we need now is for Ben to kick off our opening song.

Ben: It’s only once Pappy’s are onstage that I remember: I’ve forgotten the first line of the song. And the guitar. And to go onstage.

MIDNIGHT

Matthew: Another great day for Pappy’s Fun Club. As we drift off to sleep I look over and smile at Tom and Ben snuggled up to an already sleeping Brendan. Goodnight Pappy’s.

Brendan: Wake up to find the other three have got into my bed again. Sleep on the floor.